A follow-up note from my anonymous friend

"Caroline,

I hope you don’t mind a little follow up correspondence.

I did get another copy of “Cuckolding”, which I actually read a couple of years ago.  I have also been enjoying reading through the first few pages of “Cuckolding: Questions and Answers”.  

In the introduction, you talk about being aware of the word “cuckold” as an insult before you were aware of it as a “lifestyle”.  When I was in my twenties, the only sources of information I had were Penthouse magazine and “Joy of Sex”.   So, I became aware of the attraction situationally and had no idea what to call it.  I was an English major (by convenience) for a couple of years and I am sure the OED would reference “adultery” and “derision” in its definition of the word “cuckold”.  If I allow, condone, encourage my wife to have sex with another man, take pleasure from watching or joining in, how can it be adultery?

The derision part is pretty hard to take too. I understand that is part of the attraction for some people, just not for me.  So, though I certainly acknowledge being aroused both the fantasy and reality of watching my wife with another man, I have some trouble “self identifying” as a “Cuckold”.  This is nothing I mean to argue about.  I realize that you are naming a lifestyle or sexual activity that encompasses a vast range of activity, and I am on the rather “vanilla” end of the spectrum.  It’s just an observation.

But, it does go to what I observed earlier about your different perspectives.  On the Cuckolding Lifestyle blog, you posted a video of an Australian (perhaps) couple with a black man.   I have both watched and participated and I understand that husband’s arousal.  While I have never experienced it, I do find some interracial videos arousing, including that one.  But, the “BBC” does seem to be some kind of very obsessive sub-fetish, with some expressions almost being “anti-white male”, though I realize this is more of an expression of the desire for extreme humiliation in some people.  I am cool with interracial sex.  But, my wife has never expressed the slightest interest.  Can you give me a woman’s perspective on the attraction, or is it an obsession?

 

Your anonymous reader"

 

Hello again,

 

Interracial sex can be an attraction, obsession or both. In my case, it's a fascination. I love the taboo, the color contrast and the size issue. In having sex with black men, I am getting something Michael is not and cannot ever be. There is something about that which we both find compelling. That is not to say that I go exclusively with black men but I admit it is a preference.

 

Love,

Caroline
 

Cuckold's 36 days without release

I've been focused on how we play games in the cuckolding lifestyle that also make for good fantasy even if a couple has yet to take the step into the real world with their cuckolding. This is a game I play with Michael edging him and denying release until a later date. In the meantime, he wears a cock cage to prevent "accidents". :)

A note from a friend on Our Hot Wives (.org)

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Guest post from an anonymous reader

 

The following is a guest post from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous. After a couple of email exchanges with him, I invited him to put his articulate and incisive thoughts in writing so that I could share them on the blog. As I am currently writing another book about the games, both fantasy and reality based, that define the cuckolding lifestyle, I thought his post was topical. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Caroline

 

"I would be curious to know what percentage of your readers played with matches on railroad trestles as children.  Because if “cuckolding” isn't playing with matches on the railroad tracks of evolution, I don’t know what is.  And, even if one did not find it incredibly arousing, how could one not find it incredibly fascinating?   The range of variation is astounding.

When it comes to proclivities like this, I think we come into the world with our potentialities in place.  My awakening occurred, “pre-Internet”, in college and over the first few years of marriage.  It was all just a little confusing.   It took a while to figure out why even the thought of watching my wife with another man was such a turn on, and to reconcile the attraction within myself.

My guess is that the “Sperm Wars” theorists are on to something.  Very primal mechanisms, developed over millions of years of human evolution are triggering very complex, highly nuanced and varied responses in our modern brains and psyches.  Some of us, men and women, have tuned in and to varying degrees, in various ways, learned to manipulate our response.  There may be competition in the world, especially among males; but the real competition is in the vagina. At its very basic core, it’s really all about fertilization.  Contraception has relieved us of most of the real worry, and been a tremendous boon to women.  But, the underlying energy is still there.   The thought of another man with one’s wife is enough to flood the body and brain with intoxicating chemicals which change heart rate and respiration.   How powerful is that?   Actually watching one’s wife enjoy herself with another man is like doubling the dose.

No doubt the life style has changed over the years, but it has been around in some form forever.  The internet has certainly changed things.  But, I do think there has always been an underlying aspect of “Goddess worship” involved in the practice from the start.  Certainly any man who truly loves women will know that the average woman’s capacity for pleasure exceeds his physical ability.  A realistic man also realizes his woman was looking at attractive men when she picked him.  Her sexuality did not become static when she met him. Refractory periods are a fact of life.  We learn to postpone orgasm, derive great arousal and satisfaction from giving our partner pleasure; we revel in her ability to receive sexual pleasure.   I might well trade the ability to urinate while standing for the ability to have a dozen orgasms over the course of an evening.  It’s really awe inspiring when you think about it.  So, we learn to take pleasure from her pleasure.  It can really become “all about her”. A very deep connection develops between the marriage partners.  We love our wife’s sexuality as part of her. 

It’s not exactly a thing a man might discuss with his friends; but, apparently the idea turns a lot of us on.   As a bedroom fantasy, it can produce some very hot marital sex, and that may be all you ever need.   If you decide to step out into the real world, be careful and have fun."